it's not about me

Most days I need perspective.

Some days--days when I haven't read my Bible and taken the time to be with God, to pray and seek His Heart--I lose perspective.

Issues seem much bigger than they are--my four year old spilled her drink again and my six-year-old wore holey pants to school, I can't name one Lady Gaga song--am I getting old? Where is my two year old? Did I ask too many questions on the conference call?

And my wants seem to overwhelm me--they are urgent and flocked with seemingly deep longing--a new sofa, new shoes, new purse, new dining room table, lipstick, a new outfit, notecards, wrapping paper, rugs, vases, flowers to put them in, bath bombs, wine, ice cream, oh, and thinner thighs--right now! After I have my ice cream though.

I start grousing and let myself grouse. I become less compassionate and more hard-hearted and quick to judge. I become entitled and selfish. I become less grateful and more needy.  I then become annoyed because I know I shouldn't, "but...but...but..."

I need perspective.

I need my mother to say: "Snap out of it!"

I need to go to Jesus.

See, my kids are smart and healthy. My husband loves me deeply. I live a good life--I have clean drinking water and food available to me when ever I want/need it. I've never been through trauma of any kind. I can openly worship Jesus with other believers at a church without fear of death or imprisionment. I sleep on a very large comforable bed in a heated home. We earn a paycheck every single week from our two stable full time jobs. I need to remember that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead so that I, that we, can be with God. And knowing that joy, that mercy I am to share it that with others. Because it really is amazing, enthralling, and wonderful that God sent His son so that we might be at peace with Him and know Him better. That is all that really matters, isn't it?

Such mercy. Such grace.

When I have perspective on how Christ views me, my life, my future--how He views others, how He sees the world and loves us so--I can fly. I can rise above what this world offers. I can not want, not be afraid. I can block out the noise that is so encumbering and focus on doing what I've been called to do. I can stop focusing on myself. I can serve others. I can forgive them. I can encourage them. I can help them. I can love.

I am embarrassed by my selfishness. I don't want to lose perspective again, but I will and I am humbled by the grace Jesus extends to me--repeatedly.

My best friend from college wrote on her profile page in the 'about you' section: "It's not about me". At first I thought: 'A little lofty, isnt't that?' and then it hit me. Wow, she's right. It's not about us.

But do you know who can say that? A person totally secure that the God of Heaven and Earth delights in her. It's not self-depricating to deny 'self' in this manner--it's glorifying to God.

It's about Him.

And my ego stutters a 'but...but...but' at the reading of those words, then maybe I just might not know how fully Jesus loves me or comprehend His sacrifice.

I just might have lost perspective.
I just might have to go to Jesus...again.

~leah